It's a Smurf World, After All

Everyone's favorite little blue creatures enter the real world

Seems there was a smurf for every smurfin' emotion one could smurf of. Whether they were created smurfy or smurfy, smurfy or smurfy, those little blue rascals from the '80s serve as a perfect allegory for contemporary twentysomethings. Here's how they turned out:

Brainy. He graduated magna cum laude from some smurfy Ivy League school and won't let you forget it. Mr. Smurf-It-All was smart enough to not follow his dreams, but rather pursue a joint degree in computer science and finance so he could take the thousands he's raking in as an IT whiz and invest it wisely. And, just to protect his smurfy little assets, he got his juris doctorate. What a smurfin' smurf.

Grouchy. This miserable son of a smurf got a crap entry-level job in publishing right out of college and, three years later, he's got the same job. And his incessant pouting ensures that everyone knows his plight.

Lazy. Unemployed and smurfin' it, he's perfectly content living off unemployment checks, smurfing around the house in his pajamas and eating bowls of Smurfs cereal.

Vanity. This metrosexual smurf spends most of his time looking in the mirror and spends most of his money on tanning salons, clothes, electrolosis and Propecia. And he has Smurf Eye for the Smurf Guy to thank for it.

Cook. Sir Carbs-a-Lot was the last to catch onto the Atkins craze. And, unfortunately, his failed bagel business -- and some chubby smurfhandles -- are all he has to show for it. Thinner and sans gall bladder, he hopes to smurf his smurf around with a butcher shop.

Greedy. Made millions selling a dot-com smurf-up a few years back, but instead of diversifying his portfolio, he smurfed all his money into what surely seemed to be a safe company -- Enron.

Hefty. All those weights really helped this smurf get smurfed, and he smurfed his way into Major Smurf Baseball, where he continued to get smurfy. He even hit the smurf to increase his smurf. But when his smurf cap couldn't fit his smurfin' head any more and they couldn't tell his tail from his smurf, he got thrown out of baseball. Thin and unable to hit homers, he frequents Greedy's butcher shop.

Clumsy. He's collected big-time from worker's smurfensation. Three times.

Smurfette. This smurfy dame sure had her share of smurfs. And after she adopted the Paris Smurf look, the smurfs just kept flocking. But alas, she is raising a mushroom-hut full of smurfs all by her lonesome, and she's got a case of smurfes she just can't kick.

Handy. The crafty carpenter became a landlord, building smurf-budget housing and renting it out for high-budget rents. A sad slumsmurf who'll get what's smurfing to him.

Poet. Smurfed his own life while listening to Marilyn Smurfson.

Farmer. His land was smurfed up by the man so the state could run a highway through his farm, and now he's smurf out of luck collecting smurferment checks.

Jokey. Though he used to get all the laughs, Jokey's obsession with exploding gift boxes got him arrested and sent to Smurftanamo.

And as for Gargamel, well, his middle initial is now W.