The Taxman Cometh

While life's two certainties may be death and taxes, quarterlife's two certainties are debt and taxes.

This time of year, it's good to focus on both.

Trouble is, that tax return you were banking on to wipe out your debt might not be the windfall you wished for. Why? Well, if you're a recent grad in any field aside from pharmaceuticals, you're most likely in one of the lowest tax brackets north of the poverty line.

And if that's the case, you ain't getting much back from Uncle Sam. That's because a smaller percentage of your income was taken out of your check than that of your pharmacist pal. But your paycheck seemed miniscule, you say? Easy answer: One, you ain't making that much to start (see above), and two, the rest of your pre-tax income was pillaged by other scoundrels. Namely, your company-provided health and dental benefits (did they not remind you that 15 percent of the cost would come out of your monthly income?), social security (good luck attempting to collect that in 39 years), Medicare (good luck attempting to collect that in 39 years), and that company pension plan (let's hope the Enron accountants don't have their paws on yours).

So you're left with small paychecks that barely give you enough cash to buy no-frills-version Rice Chex, let alone the milk to wash it down. And now you're sitting in the chain-store version of an accounting office with some semi-retired 74-year-old former bank teller giving you an unabridged lesson in Savings 101. But you're hardly contributing to your 401k, you're paying off the credit card minimums on debt you've accrued since day one of freshman year (note: buying kegs and reserving keg taps on a credit card is not the best move), and you've got no Scrooge McDuck inheritance to fall back on.

Your one shot at redemption -- interest from college loans -- yields no fruit for you, however, since your parents graciously told you they'd take care of the payments while your career was getting off the ground.

Meanwhile, Granny McCountant crunches the numbers on her abacus and reveals that you're the big winner -- you don't owe Uncle Sam. In fact, you'll be getting two hefty checks -- one from the feds, the other from the state. The grand totals: $18.67 and $1.38, respectively. Not even enough to cover the minimum payment on your credit card.

Perhaps it's time to start looking for some income elsewhere. No, not the double-your-return scratch-off game from the accountant. It's time to get a better job.