Flowers in the Office

We're trying to figure out what's worse: being painfully embarrassed at work upon receiving dozens of flowers, Valentine's Day balloons and a singing telegram or not receiving any deliveries from a significant other. Valentine's Day is not just a day to show a loved one true affection, it's a day to show his or her co-workers up by sending the most elaborate bouquet, the most helium-filled balloon, or the most squeezable bear. Unfortunately, the blizzards and ice storms across a great deal of the country yesterday left many well-intentioned souls scrambling to find the status of their flower deliveries. And the weather also left many would-be recipients of these gifts explaining to their office mates that their loved one did indeed go out of his or her way to send a thoughtful array of roses and chocolates, only to be jilted by Cupid's frozen, broken-down delivery truck. Whether those colleagues believe the weather is truly to blame or it's the fault of the significant other's frozen heart shouldn't matter -- at least, not when that brilliant batch of blossoms arrives a day late... and maybe a little wilted.

Super Bowl Monday: National Hangover Day

Let the Super Bowl hangover begin. After an afternoon and evening when Americans consume more pizza, wings, nachos, guacamole, chips and beer than almost any other day of the year, it's no surprise that some will be a little too sick to head into work. After an evening of screaming at the TV, booing the Bears' Rex Grossman and laughing at one or two good Super Bowl commercials, it's no surprise that some will be a little too sick to head into work. And for those Indianapolis Colts fans who continue to celebrate the team's first Super Bowl victory as the Indianapolis Colts, it's no surprise that some will be a little too sick to head into work. With Super Bowl Sunday rivaling New Year's Eve as one of the country's biggest celebrations, it seems only fair that the day after the Super Bowl be made into a national holiday. After all, we get New Year's Day off to rehydrate, watch football bowl games and count down the return to work. So why not get the same treatment on National Hangover Day? Companies should consider the lack of productivity on Super Bowl Monday. Less employees show up for work. Many of those who do will loiter by the water cooler talking about fumbles, field goals and Mapasaurus. Or how they were this close to winning that $1,000 Super Bowl box pool, if only Indy had made that extra point in the first quarter. And the occasional employee may just show his distaste for the outcome of the game, for Prince's shadow phallic halftime show, for the terrible ad spots and for coming into work after a night of boozing by spending his morning curled up next to a toilet in the office restroom. By making the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday, none of this unsightly office behavior would occur. At least, not until Tuesday.

The Shadow Knows

Happy Groundhog Day! Today we celebrate the fact that TV meteorologists are so bad at making extended weather forecasts that we prefer to rely on the prognostications of a small woodland creature, Punxsutawney Phil. But today we also celebrate Job Shadow Day, a day when high school and middle school students venture into corporate America's workplaces to shadow hard-working professionals at their workstations. These youngsters get the unique opportunity to observe the species robotus corporatus in its natural habitat -- sitting for hours in front of computers, talking on the telephone, bickering over who's going to win the Super Bowl, gossiping about celebrities and the big boss, flinging poo and, occasionally, engaging in stimulating conversations about the future of their company. Yes, for one day out of the year, the office is turned upside down to allow worker bees to spread their seeds of knowledge to unsuspecting, optimistic youths who one day dream of graduating from college and working in a 3-by-5 cubicle with padded walls. For one day, these kids' dreams come true. Then they go back into their groundhog hole of ignorance and wait for a job forecast that calls for a warm and friendly career climate for them for the next 50 years. As for the workers, they get their small moment out of the groundhog hole to share their own forecast, only to bury their heads for the next 364 routine days. Days where they wake at 6 a.m. daily knowing the man has got them, babe. [Job Shadow Day]